Superhead and Lil Wayne sure have an interesting history. I don’t know if you know, but basically its some kind of strange love affair. But, the strange thing is Weezy is supposedly engaged and Superhead is – I don’t know – being Karrine. Recently, Karrine posted a picture of her at Lil Wayne’s house and has again professed her love for him. She said, “This moment, lying in bed, looking out into the backyard, watching the man who taught me everything about unconditional love and acceptance. Thanking God for the simple things. Thanking Him for forgiveness and forever.” Interesting: FOREVER.
So, then it leads right into a poem that she wrote to Lil Wayne called FOREVER.
When I was a child, I threw around the word forever, never understanding its implications. Back then, I also threw around the word love, never understanding its meaning, and the term friend, not realizing that not everybody could be one.
As much as I have always loved words, I have not always understood their weight.
As the years have gone by, I realized how long forever is and that, in actuality, it doesn’t exists. Forever is infinite –– it’s an idea that will always be chased but never captured.
How long is forever?
How much is infinity?
Eventually, I gave up on forever and learned to enjoy the now. I began to live my life in increments, knowing they could end at any time and that it was okay for things to end, for endings make way for beginnings and that is a word I have grown to appreciate.
I don’t believe in forever.
Not in life and not in love.
I understand that people grow and they often grow apart and in different directions — and that’s okay! I believe that people stay together out of fear and complacency and that, if most people had their druthers and were given different, better choices, they would snatch them up in a heartbeat and go live the life they’ve secretly been wanting to live.
Yet, they are bound by the falsities of forever.
They are bound by what other perpetually unhappy people have told them life should be and they are holding on to the idea that one day, some time in the future, they will reach this place called forever.
Except it doesn’t exist.
All there is, is this continuum of time multiplied by the inevitable and everything, one day, will end. The ride will stop and we’ll all have to get off and none of us will be getting off together and all of us will be getting off alone.
But here I am…
I’m looking at a relationship that just won’t seem to end and, as I stand nose-to-nose with you, my lips curling, my heart writhing in pain, tears streaming down my face, tinted black from my mascara, I say, “You don’t get to leave me.”
And just then, I summoned forever.
We fell apart that night, as we’d done before, as we did in July and before that, in January. And before that — in August. And before that…
It seems to go on forever.
And as I sped along the mountain top, clinging to the curves of the drop, I screamed at the precipice of my lungs. I ripped my throat apart in that car, reeling from the coming apart.
Thinking we were, finally, over.
I struggled all the next day to just keep moving, to count our increments of time together as ended — as lost in the continuum between never was and forever. As I readied for bed, I thought of you, wishing you could hear my heart, silently praying that you heard my shrills as I left you that night — that you heard everything I said through my tears.
Precisely then, you wrote…
…I hear you.
And, just like that, you summoned forever and I knew…
I don’t get to leave you.